As a straight woman who has been deconstructing Catholicism but still loves the Eucharist, I think the NFP issue has (weirdly) aligned me more with gay/trans/queer rights. I feel like I have to live in secrecy about my desire to have any agency over family planning, and the fact that NFP is the ONLY choice infuriates me. My ideal would be to chart and use condoms (don't want to use hormonal or invasive methods) and I WANT kids but even that relatively conservative ideal excludes me from communion. It's torturous. We don't have the tech (and didn't for so long, we're relatively better off now- but it makes it even more absurd that this was handed down in the time of Humanae Vitae) to track female ovulation accurately (which is totally insane, but that's another rant for another time), and so there is so much guesswork and abstinence that I feel shamed for not wanting to deal with in a marriage. Additionally, NFP requires abstinence during the time of month when a woman often feels most sexual desire- on that basis alone, I don't want to do it - and that is simply dismissed as an invalid reason for dissenting! It feels so dehumanizing and misogynistic. I currently am weighing whether to tell my close family and friends that I disagree with church teaching on these matters, just set a hard boundary without explanation or continue on as I have been (though this route is growing more unsustainable). It is not an understatement to say that I am potentially facing the loss or great damage to my relationship with my parents and close friends because of this (relatively) minor point of disagreement and have felt like I had to end a relationship with my loving (non-Catholic, disapproved of by fam) bf because I have so much baggage around all of this that I feel he will be hurt by if I don't figure out my own values and boundaries. I can't even imagine what it must be like for someone who is trans or gay. Regardless, please KEEP WRITING about this and please say a prayer I can find a religious trauma therapist as I figure out this decision.
Thank you very much for sharing, and in particular I appreciate your point about learning greater solidarity through the experience of dealing with the issues of NFP
Not only is the best historical over-view of purity culture I have ever read, it highlights the groups whom it has systematically excluded. Catholic purity culture is having a moment and I’m so glad you two are on it!
Sara, this means so much to me! From interviewing you for Religion Dispatches and delving into these histories as a disabled, queer woman, your comment truly made me smile and happy to do this work. That is high praise, and I really appreciate all that you do!
NFP itself makes a lot of assumptions about who can use it - it takes two heterosexual people in a committed, mature relationship, with organizational and critical thinking skills. The church does a disservice through silence to everyone that leaves out, which only increases shame for people who have been told that “good” Catholics use nfp.
also ppl with regular (!) cycles who have the means to support an unplanned pregnancy AND to afford quality NFP instruction and tools (like a fertility monitor, test strips, etc.). If the Church actually wants the majority of the human race who is called to marriage to do NFP, they sure don't materially support it as if they believe it.
Exactly, there isn't enough discussion of how access to healthcare is part of this conversation! And also how discourse about purity tests--who is a good Catholic--is examined in who benefits and is harmed because of Catholic purity culture. Very good point!
I have read more! Fascinating stuff, man. I have been writing about Eugenics as well. It is all about destroying the poor and making sure they don’t breed. I think NFP is a factor in that. Rich Catholics regularly promote it to me because I am a poor man raising a family, and they might as well tell me my children shouldn’t exist.
I am working on reading this. It is very long, as you said. I want to share some interesting information based on what I think it is about.
First off, I am an historical Catholic with a family and a farm. This serves as apology for why I am writing this before finishing the essay. God willing, I get to finish it!
Secondly, I found your publication because a traditionalist friend of mine shared it in a sort of disgust at your apparent profile. I found this fascinating! I have many friends, and many of them are openly strange (synonym for “queer”), and I have happened to talk about sexuality and sodomy with them recently on podcast interviews.
Thirdly, I consider myself as having suffered under involuntary sterilization as a result of usury. I hope to work with all kinds of folks in order to destroy usury. I think it is the main problem.
Finally, most sodomy is committed by heterosexuals, and so there is a certain ostracization of folks that consider themselves gay or something strange like that, and it is a very foolish and hypocritical thing that has nothing to do with Catholic tradition and everything to do with American tradition, which I think I see here implied in the first section of your essay.
God bless, let me know if I can be of service to you.
As a straight woman who has been deconstructing Catholicism but still loves the Eucharist, I think the NFP issue has (weirdly) aligned me more with gay/trans/queer rights. I feel like I have to live in secrecy about my desire to have any agency over family planning, and the fact that NFP is the ONLY choice infuriates me. My ideal would be to chart and use condoms (don't want to use hormonal or invasive methods) and I WANT kids but even that relatively conservative ideal excludes me from communion. It's torturous. We don't have the tech (and didn't for so long, we're relatively better off now- but it makes it even more absurd that this was handed down in the time of Humanae Vitae) to track female ovulation accurately (which is totally insane, but that's another rant for another time), and so there is so much guesswork and abstinence that I feel shamed for not wanting to deal with in a marriage. Additionally, NFP requires abstinence during the time of month when a woman often feels most sexual desire- on that basis alone, I don't want to do it - and that is simply dismissed as an invalid reason for dissenting! It feels so dehumanizing and misogynistic. I currently am weighing whether to tell my close family and friends that I disagree with church teaching on these matters, just set a hard boundary without explanation or continue on as I have been (though this route is growing more unsustainable). It is not an understatement to say that I am potentially facing the loss or great damage to my relationship with my parents and close friends because of this (relatively) minor point of disagreement and have felt like I had to end a relationship with my loving (non-Catholic, disapproved of by fam) bf because I have so much baggage around all of this that I feel he will be hurt by if I don't figure out my own values and boundaries. I can't even imagine what it must be like for someone who is trans or gay. Regardless, please KEEP WRITING about this and please say a prayer I can find a religious trauma therapist as I figure out this decision.
Thank you very much for sharing, and in particular I appreciate your point about learning greater solidarity through the experience of dealing with the issues of NFP
Completely agree, we really appreciate you sharing, and as someone with PCOS, this really resonated with me as well.
Terrific! What a wealth of information! Deserves a second, third and fourth reading!
Thank you so much, this means a great deal to us, and we really appreciate you reading!
Thanks so much Anne!
Not only is the best historical over-view of purity culture I have ever read, it highlights the groups whom it has systematically excluded. Catholic purity culture is having a moment and I’m so glad you two are on it!
Sara, this means so much to me! From interviewing you for Religion Dispatches and delving into these histories as a disabled, queer woman, your comment truly made me smile and happy to do this work. That is high praise, and I really appreciate all that you do!
Thanks very much! This response made our day :)
NFP itself makes a lot of assumptions about who can use it - it takes two heterosexual people in a committed, mature relationship, with organizational and critical thinking skills. The church does a disservice through silence to everyone that leaves out, which only increases shame for people who have been told that “good” Catholics use nfp.
also ppl with regular (!) cycles who have the means to support an unplanned pregnancy AND to afford quality NFP instruction and tools (like a fertility monitor, test strips, etc.). If the Church actually wants the majority of the human race who is called to marriage to do NFP, they sure don't materially support it as if they believe it.
Exactly, there isn't enough discussion of how access to healthcare is part of this conversation! And also how discourse about purity tests--who is a good Catholic--is examined in who benefits and is harmed because of Catholic purity culture. Very good point!
I have read more! Fascinating stuff, man. I have been writing about Eugenics as well. It is all about destroying the poor and making sure they don’t breed. I think NFP is a factor in that. Rich Catholics regularly promote it to me because I am a poor man raising a family, and they might as well tell me my children shouldn’t exist.
Hello sir!
I am working on reading this. It is very long, as you said. I want to share some interesting information based on what I think it is about.
First off, I am an historical Catholic with a family and a farm. This serves as apology for why I am writing this before finishing the essay. God willing, I get to finish it!
Secondly, I found your publication because a traditionalist friend of mine shared it in a sort of disgust at your apparent profile. I found this fascinating! I have many friends, and many of them are openly strange (synonym for “queer”), and I have happened to talk about sexuality and sodomy with them recently on podcast interviews.
Thirdly, I consider myself as having suffered under involuntary sterilization as a result of usury. I hope to work with all kinds of folks in order to destroy usury. I think it is the main problem.
Finally, most sodomy is committed by heterosexuals, and so there is a certain ostracization of folks that consider themselves gay or something strange like that, and it is a very foolish and hypocritical thing that has nothing to do with Catholic tradition and everything to do with American tradition, which I think I see here implied in the first section of your essay.
God bless, let me know if I can be of service to you.