Lived Experiences: Greg
As part of our High Control Catholicism series, we have asked readers to submit stories of lived experience. Today we share Greg Krajewski’s story about working in Catholic media to compliment out essay on Church Militant and Michael Voris.
Michael Voris and Me
by Greg Krajewski
For the first 11 years of my professional life, I worked for a Catholic video production company. Back in 2011, quality Christian media, (let alone Catholic media), was hard to come by. As my boss and I used to say, if we believe the Church is the center of truth and goodness, why were we not providing any beauty? It was in this environment that I first discovered Michael Voris.
We were always on the lookout for Catholic media, and the Vortex - a recurring video series featuring Michael Voris commenting on the state of the Catholic church (under what was then called “Real Catholic TV”) was making waves. He was savvy and polished in a way that made him feel credible and trustworthy. Exactly what the Catholic Church needed in the ever growing era of new media.
The subject matter, however, was another story. Real Catholic TV’s approach was decidedly uncharitable and purposely divisive. So much so that in 2012, they were informed by the Archdiocese of Detroit - where they still are headquartered - that they could no longer use the word “Catholic” in their name. Rebranding as “The Church Militant” (a name that cemented their place in the culture war as foot soldiers) they continued their mission. Despite clear pushback from the hierarchy, Voris’ organization continued to expand. They cultivated a brand that unapologetically and harshly targeted anyone that strayed from their vision of the Church, often revealing personal damning information and causing scandal: All in the name of “saving souls”.
His professional story, in many ways, mirrors my own. Both of us rode in on a wave of independent videographers in the late aughts due to the rise in digital video technologies. We both worked to make our mark in the Catholic media landscape. He knows, as do I, the power visual media can wield for the church. The Church Militant became well-known, especially in Catholic media circles. As part of my work, Voris was regularly brought up in brainstorming sessions with clients, “I’d like to do something like what Michael Voris is doing.” These requests were for me a source of frustration and discouragement, and not just because of their regular anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric. Voris’ success was proof of the existence and influence of a branch of Catholicism that would rather me not be there.
I came out as gay to my boss shortly after starting work. I had been dating my now husband for a few months already, and I knew my “lifestyle” would not be welcome in the Catholic world. To his credit, my boss was supportive of me personally, but the conversation quickly changed - what if Michael Voris (or someone like him) found out? We were a newly formed Catholic company that had big dreams - dreams to work with parishes, Catholic institutions, the USCCB, the Vatican. It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that Voris would get wind of an organization claiming to be Catholic fraternizing with someone like me. And while most of our clients wouldn’t bat an eye, some would decide to take their business elsewhere.
I made a decision early on that I wasn’t going to be out publicly. I was going to live my life quietly, half in the closet, working for the Church on one hand and working on my relationship on the other. Never the two should meet. I started my double life out of fear. Fear of rejection, of tangible professional and personal consequences. At work or church, when conversations with well-meaning (Catholic) clients would take a turn into defending family values against the “gay agenda”, I’d nod and change the subject. When someone would ask me if I was dating (or later, married), I’d say, “Yes, but no kids!”, then laugh and move on quickly. My fear stopped me from forming friendships. To this day I struggle with getting too close to Catholics, my defensive walls still raised.
During the peak of his impact, Voris’ influence on me became even more personal. He came out in a video released by the Church Militant in 2016. By his own admission, in his 30s he spent years engaging in “live-in relationships” with men. I was (and still am) in a “live-in relationship” with a man. Not only did he have the platform, but he became, overnight, a poster child for the ex-gay movement. Proof that people “living in sin” can change. My fear became more acute, punctuated by new anxieties. What if he’s right? What if Voris’ greatest sin were the scandalous same-sex relationships of his 30s? What god am I being asked to worship that would see Voris’ current actions as good and righteous, but my relationship as deprived and disordered? Wasn’t it worth anything that I was pouring my life into work for the Church?
There are many public figures in the church besides Voris who actively and deliberately call out individuals, companies, and organizations who they feel aren’t “Catholic'' enough. Or worse, actively and sometimes aggressively move against them. They say we are in a culture war and must fight against the forces of evil working in our world. These “militant” forces have repeatedly hit one of their intended targets – me and others in the LGBTQ+ community.
I spent years hiding from their war in my closet. And if that time taught me anything, it is the duality of humanity. I have experienced the best and worst of the Church (sometimes through the same person). But I believe I am called to treat all people with the grace, love, and understanding that they deserve as children of God.
In November 2023, Michael Voris was removed from his position at Church Militant by their board of directors for “a breach of their morality clause”. The company issued a statement announcing the news and asking for prayers for him, and to respect his privacy. As for Voris, he recorded a nearly 14-minute response video on his X account. I wrestled with the decision to watch it. After all, he had so directly and negatively impacted my life to that point, and I’d like to think I’m savvy enough to know how carefully prepared his statement would be. Curiosity won out.
As I sat through the video, I ran through a myriad of emotions. He had clearly put thought into the video, and while he did not go into detail (and I will not speculate) about what happened, I was struck by many things he said - how they resonated with me, and how alike he and I are. There were moments in the video where his polished demeanor seemed to waiver. It was clear he has experienced pain, self-inflicted or otherwise.
He spoke of an ugliness inside him. Something he’s wrestled with for years that he’s feared. I have felt ugliness inside me. I have felt the terror of that ugliness. I have felt torn in half, ripped from God. Rife with indecision and hurt. I have been hurt by my church. I have been told my existence causes scandal. I have spent sleepless nights with my stomach in knots, crying over my sexuality, terrified of being “unclean”. I have hidden from this ugliness.
Ugliness is part of the human experience, but the underlying cause is where I believe Voris and I differ. Sometimes that ugliness is brought upon by our own brokenness, by our own sins. We do wrong and we know it. Sometimes that ugliness is thrust upon us. We are told we are sinners. We are told that we are evil. For the LGBTQ+ community, we are told we are “disordered.” Voris, as told through his message, knows that he is a broken man. That he has this ugliness inside. What that ugliness is and where it comes from matters, but the feeling of terror, shame, and fear is the same. And I relate to that.
He talked about his deep issues trusting God. I, too, struggle with that trust. What will God say to me when my time comes? I have been told by many in the church that I won’t be given that opportunity. That God will, first and foremost, bring down the full might of the Church upon me to cast judgment. There are periods when I have stopped praying. What happens if I pray, if I truly open myself to God, and it turns out they were right – that the God I open myself up to is a judgemental hard-liner who only shows mercy to those who fully conform to their view of Catholicism? I do not want to talk to their god, let alone worship him. Years of prayer and discernment have led me to the God who has revealed himself to me. Not an idol handed to me by others, but a God who has walked with me in the joy of my relationships. In love. He does not live in my anxiety. He gently and graciously guides me in the stillness of my heart toward love.
We probably have not seen the last of Michael Voris. No matter what happens next with his story, I pray for him. I pray for those who were involved with Church Militant, which, as of March 2024, is no longer online. I pray for those who found solace, comfort, and community in them. I pray for those who found Jesus through them. I pray for those who were hurt by them. I pray that God’s will be done. That those who were involved see God for what He is - love. That they are able to resist the temptation of schism and scapegoating. That they put down their arms in this “culture war.” I pray that I and others have the strength and will to work for love. Not just against evil.
Their mission, the salvation of souls, should be the mission of every Catholic. But working for the salvation of souls does not dispensate you from truth, goodness, and beauty. It does not grant permission to be uncharitable or divisive, especially to those on the margins. I, for one, will continue to speak out in defense of mercy, grace, and love. I will continue to speak out, in love, against division.
Check out the “introduction to High Control Catholicism” series here. Then read “The Firebrand of Catholic Media: Michael Voris and Church Militant.”